A Beginners Guide to Independence


Welcome to the good shit – the solution.

If you’re used to the frustrating round-about of Dependence, I’m sure you’re excited to move towards the stability and certainty that is Independence.

To make sure you’re doing so with a clear understanding of what you’re working towards, here’s a breakdown of Independence.

NOTE: If you’ve read A Beginners Guide to Dependence, you might notice some sections are basically the same. They’re here so that someone can read this as a stand alone article and not miss anything important. If you’re already familiar with these points, just skip through them and move onto the stuff you haven’t read yet.


What is Independence?

Independence is label used to describe the end of the spectrum of possible ways to achieved your desired experience that relies on elements that are internal and are in your sphere of control.

These are primarily your focus (where you direct your attention) and your actions (what you do)

For example:

If you want to feel powerful and the way you’re trying to experience power is by challenging your perceived personal limitations (which is inside your control) then the pathway you’re following would fall towards the Independence end of the spectrum.

If you want to feel connected and they way you’re trying to experience is by allowing yourself to experience the emotions and feelings others are going through (which is inside your control) then the pathway you’re following would fall towards the Independence end of the spectrum.


Category vs. Spectrum

As with Dependence, Independence isn’t a category or label used to describe different pathways, it’s the end of a spectrum that pathways can fall on.

This spectrum runs all the way from completely dependent on external elements for the experience you desire to being able to find your desired experience regardless of how the external environment responds to you.

A pathway can be incredibly Dependent or only slightly Dependent. A pathway can also be incredibly Independent or mostly Independent.

For example:

If you’re attempting to get the permission of everyone around you so you can be free and do what you want then you’re incredibly Dependent on how people respond to you. If you’re attempting to get permission from only one or two people before you start living the life you want then you’re still Dependent, but you’re less Dependent than before.

If you’re attempting to experience power by pushing through your fears and challenging your personal limitations then you’re completely Independent as you can do this regardless of what’s happening around you. If you are attempting to experience power by pushing through your fears and challenging your personal limitations but need someone to do it with you for support then you’re still Independent but less Independent than you were before.


For Better or Worse

I’ve said this before but one thing you need to be clear on: an Independent pathway is neither better nor worse than an Dependent pathway. You can be completely ineffective at using an Independent pathway (a lot of people who’ve been using a more Dependent pathway for a long time struggle initially with the transition to a more Independent pathway).

You can also be very effective at being Dependent on people (for example: a lot of celebrities and sports stars are very good at getting external validation) and fulfilled your desires through that pathway.

A Independent pathway simply presents less hurdles to overcome and gives you more control, but it’s not right or wrong. It’s just a different way of doing things.


An Anatomy of Independence

The defining characteristic of a person following an Independent pathway is that they are internally focussed. They acknowledge that external elements play a role in the current shape of their life but direct their focus internally because they know that’s all they can ever hope to truly control.

Here are some characteristics that are common to most people following a pathway closer to the Independence end of the spectrum.

NOTE: Not all people following a Independent pathway will have all of these characteristics. There are a HUGE array of characteristics that influence a persons ‘style’ of Independence. This is just a broad overview of different characteristics you can expect to find in a person following pathway more towards the Independence end of the spectrum.

They will:

  • Focus on the internal elements that contributed to their failure
  • Take responsibility for what they contributed to their current life situation
  • Not bother making claims about whether or not they’ve been treated unfairly or haven’t received the same benefits and luxuries that other people have received
  • Not worry about the rules or how they’ve might have been stacked against them
  • Accept personal short comings and focus on dealing with the ones that are important to them
  • Find ways they can do what they want
  • Take action towards their goals
  • Find the positive in challenging situations
  • Consider all evidence and reach a rational conclusion based off what the facts are telling them


Examples of Independent Pathways

Now you know the basics, here are more specific example of what a pathway leaning closer to the Independent end of the spectrum look like.

Once again, one thing that’s important to notice is that it’s not the action that defines whether a pathway is more towards the Dependence or Independence end of the spectrum, it’s the motivation behind the action. It’s not the ‘what’ someone is doing, it’s the ‘why’ they’re doing it.

Any action can be taken with a Dependent motivation or an Independent motivation. It’s not the action that’s important, it’s the motivation.

  • Finding ways to connect with people with different interests rather than avoiding them
  • Pushing through fears and perceived personal limitations to experience a sense of control over their life
  • Living the life they want, regardless of what people around them think is right or tell them what to do
  • Working out what kind of life is going to be fulfilling and rewarding for them
  • Sharing openly and freely and finding others who also like to share
  • Downplaying their role and contributions and talking up the contributions of others
  • An interest in understanding the world rather than controlling it


In Summary

A Independent pathway has many different characteristics and manifests itself in many different ways but at the end of the day, it can all be reduced to: creating the desired experience through internal elements that are within their control.